Thoughts on holiness, part 1

Recently, in a fit of depression, I was encouraged by a friend to do a study on holiness. 

Coming from a fundamental baptist background, holiness is a touchy subject for me. When I was encouraged to do this study, I was also in a really bad place. I think it's largely because I come from lists of do's and don'ts, and I burned out trying so hard. I was doing a lot of the right things, but holiness seemed elusive to me. So why bother trying? Also, with my depression issues, I was told the depression would disappear as I became more holy, and that didn't happen. So again, why bother trying?

Thankfully, God taught me some things about Himself and is still teaching me things about Himself and myself all the time. 

I do better when studying a book of the Bible, so I decided to just study I Peter. I came away with several thoughts. 

1. The gospel is central to holiness. You can't even get past the first phrase without realizing the foundation of holiness. "To those who are elect." In his foreknowledge, He chose me. Holiness begins at the core: the gospel. I have been chosen and set apart by His grace. Verse 1 also says, "may grace and peace be multiplied to you." How do I explain when I am "out of sorts" or responding sinfully? Often it can be as basic as forgetting that I am elect. I lose sight of the fact that I am redeemed by the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

2. Hardship and holiness are intricately linked. v6 "In this you rejoice though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials. v7 so that the tested genuineness of your of your faith --more precious than gold that perishes--though it is tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 

God uses hardship to sanctify, purify and test. He produces holiness through hardship if we submit to His work. Holiness also helps us endure hardship. Let's face it, life is messy. We need to pursue God. When we don't, we sin and mess up. I do that all the time. Unfortunately, we don't often pursue God as fully on the mountain as we do in the valley. 

3. Holiness is not about pursing holiness; it's about pursuing God. v.8 "Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in Him." The joy and the holiness come from believing in Him, but we can't believe in Him if we do not know Him. One of the best studies I've ever done was on the attributes of God. I realized very quickly, He wasn't the big, bad meanie I created Him to be in my mind. He was good, loving, and merciful. Knowing Him is essential to desiring to obey Him. 

4. The mind is the battleground in holiness. v. 13 "Therefore, prepare your minds for action, and being sober minded. . . " Set our thoughts, and our behavior will follow. If I set my mind on my circumstances and how hopeless they seem (which I have done recently). . . I will respond sinfully. If I set my mind on myself, I will respond sinfully. If I set my mind on God and the gospel and who I am in Christ, I open myself to His work of sanctification, which produces holiness. Of course depression is a mind and body issue, but the mind is central to the attack and the fight. 

thanking the Lord for these truths this week and praying He will continue to change my messy life and use it for His glory!

A danger in the church's teaching

I sat in a corner, weeping. My hands were over my  head, my head between my knees. I rocked back and forth, weeping. The gut wrenching sobs came from the core of my being. The voices in my head screamed at me . . . "It would be so much better if you were dead. You are not as good as other people. You can't hold friendships, they all abandon you." The darkness sucked me in like a vortex.

Was it my fault? I was doing everything I knew how. Regularly in the Word of God, much time on my knees. I was trying to trust this God everyone was telling me about. I reached out for help to the church, but what I got was a list of do's and don'ts. I was ready to give up everything, but especially life. I felt I was doing all the right things, but the darkness was so real I could almost touch it. I was such a mess and didn't have a clue how to fix it.

I was being told so often. . . if you just know who God is, you won't have depression any more. Because that is what my pulpit taught. Now I know many of my friends will disagree with me. We preach the gospel from our fundamentalist pulpits. Well I know what I was taught. . . discipline, hard work, please God, etc. . .

What was missing? The gospel! Plain and simple. I know this post will offend some people, but once again, I pray for a soul baring searching for many people. My churches taught the gospel. There was a sense in which we realized we couldn't save ourselves. But then we lost it somewhere along the way. The gospel becomes muddled with rules. This problem isn't limited to fundamentalists, but since that is where I grew up, that is my experience. However, I have run into these issues in my reformed circles now as well. The problem runs rampant throughout our churches. We seek, we want to believe that somehow we are better than we are. We want to believe we contribute to our own spirituality. I'm not saying we can live however we want. I am just saying. . . . we cannot teach that people cannot contribute to their own salvation, and then our churches teach that we can contribute to our own sanctification.

People everywhere are abandoning the church right and left, and I believe we have muddled our teaching with a man-centered sanctification. I'm not abandoning that we have choices, and some of that is where the muddling comes in.

What was I missing? I was missing the gospel. How could I be raised in churches and be missing God? Because I lost my gospel-centered living.

Oh churches, help the mentally ill, help the struggling by getting back to the basics in our everyday teaching and living. We are utterly helpless. Both when we are saved and when we are walking day by day. May we throw ourselves back at the foot of the cross every. . . single. . . day!

Everyone's issues are so complex, but nothing is quite as complex as mental illness. I believe our churches just believe that if we preach enough, teach enough, the mentally ill will no longer have these struggles, and we won't have to face them or deal with their issues. Mental illness is a complexity of sin, genetics, health, and brain chemicals. The churches as a whole are not doing much to help unravel these issues. So far too often, people run. From God, from the church. We are filling our churches with people who don't have problems. (I say that tongue in cheek). Churches are too busy preaching at people and not busy enough coming alongside people.

I almost died that day. It is merely by God's grace that I held on. And thankfully, a gospel centered counselor that came alongside me and helped me for a long time. In that way, there was a lot of work involved. But thankfully, he never blamed me for my illness. Not once. There wasn't one clear answer as my years of blog posts clearly show. But there is one thing our churches should be doing better: preaching and practicing a daily, gospel-centered living.

It isn't about me or any righteousness of my own. It's completely about Him. He came as a babe in human form, living the perfect life I couldn't live. Then He died and took all my unrighteousness on Himself. Then when He gave me the faith to trust Him, He placed all that righteousness on me. Every human, no matter what their particular struggles, needs to live in that reality every day! That is where our churches need to get back to. Sorry for the shocking title, but I do believe to this day that there will be an answer given for the muddled teaching causing so many people to abandon the church and God.

Forgive me if I said something wrong. This post has been in my gut for a very long time. But I believe it's so important to write about!

Goodness and Godliness Are Not Synonyms

As a person who struggles with depression, I have NO problem accepting the total depravity of man when it comes to myself. In fact some days, I feel like all I see is my depravity. By the time I'm finished with this blog post, you will see my depravity too.

I think most Christians have no trouble accepting their own depravity either. I mean to truly accept the gospel is to begin with the realization that I am corrupt to the core and and can do nothing to change myself. 

However, when it comes to other people, we are quick to sing man's praises. We know we shouldn't sing our own, but we are quick to sing others'. 

Nowhere do I see this more than in social media. I mean absolutely no disrespect in what I'm about to say, but I see this especially when a beloved Christian is either going through trial or reaches the end of his / her life. People talk about what a good person he / she is.

Every time this happens, it sends me into a tail spin. (yep, depravity speaking here). I want to be a good person. I'm not. Why can't I be a better person? Why do I have to struggle so? Why can't other people look at me and see goodness too?

I was walking through my house today struggling with these thoughts, and a still small voice (well it didn't really feel still and small, it felt more like a booming voice) said to me, "Goodness is NOT godliness." 

I have been struck all day by this simple fact. Of course God is good. Of course He molds and sanctifies us into godliness. But I can never be "more good." And when I measure my life against someone else's or even sing man's praises, I'm forgetting the fact that neither can anyone else. 

ALL goodness (*true goodness) comes from the ONE who was good in my place. In your place. In any Christian's place. From a human perspective, there can be a good man who is not godly. Goodness can be manufactured. But godliness cannot. And godliness doesn't come about through some magic choice. It comes about through a realization and a dependence on the one who was GOOD for me. It comes about through obedience to the one who was GOOD for me. Not because of anything I do, but because of what He's done. And therefore, I have as much Godliness as anyone else. No, I may not be in the same place in my walk as they are. However, I have the same salvation, the same God, the same goodness as every elect brother who has trusted in His finished work on the cross. This thought has been tremendously comforting to me today. And in this Holy week and every week, our thoughts should focus on the cross and on the One who was good in my place because I have no goodness of my own. And my actions should also reflect a focus on the One who was good in every other Christian's place because no one has any goodness of his or her own. And I can be truly thankful when God's goodness is reflected in my life and in other believers' lives. Praise HIS goodness!

I don't know

Get ready for soul baring rawness. If you're a hider, leave now. There's no hiding in this blog post.

Normally I wait to write a blog post. I wait till I'm on the other side of the valley. There's a lot of clarity afterwards, know what I mean? I usually stay away during the dark times because there is no clarity in darkness.

Well this blog post is being written firmly in the valley. Right here where I am. Last week was hard. It wasn't one terrible thing. Rather it was a bunch of things. One after the other, and it seemed there wasn't an area of my life untouched.

My wonderful auto immune body couldn't take all the stress, and I landed in bed sick. And as often happens, with the sickness started a darkness. A relentless, mind controlling, suffocating darkness. Sounds dramatic? It is. Life becomes a battle.

Many times, I can just survive to get through to the other side when it decides to let go. But this time, it's being stubborn. And the only thing I keep thinking is, "I don't know. . . " I just don't know.

Some of you will read this and think what on earth is she talking about. . . but others will read it, and you will get it. Because you have gone through days where all you can think is "I don't know. . . "

Then a friend sent me the words to a song last night. The song has rocked my world, you could say. One specific part of the song, to be exact. The song is by Tenth Avenue North Entitled You Are More.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life  
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight 
She knows all the answers 
And she's rehearsed all the lines  
And so she'll try to do better 
But then she's too weak to try  
But don't you know who you are?

I don't know. . . 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

I don't know

I'VE BEEN REMADE.

Doesn't matter if I feel remade. I AM remade. I'm in this valley, and I don't know. Which way is up. When  the valley will leave me. What I need to do. Where my faith is. Where He is. Why He is allowing this time.

And sometimes I just don't know. But HE has remade me. He has redeemed me.

I feel raw, broken, wounded, weary. . . He was raw, broken, wounded and weary for me. So in my raw, broken, wounded and weary times, I can trust the work that was done when HE became raw, broken, wounded and weary for ME. Why did Christ, Son of the LIVING GOD do this? In order to remake me. And I AM remade whether I feel like it or not.

So in the times I just don't know. I know that HE knows. And let me tell you, that is infinite knowledge!

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
  But what's been done for you.  
This is not about where you've been,  
But where your brokenness brings you to 
This is not about what you feel,  
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

So when I just don't know, I must turn to the ONE who does. And even when my faith is too weak to turn, He still knows, He still pursues, He still redeems. PRAISE my loving FATHER.  

How are believers handling their wounded?

I've always believed in living my life with complete candor. When you take me, you get me. You get me with strengths and weaknesses. You get me with success and failures. You get me on the good days and the bad. Unfortunately, my candor has "come back to bite me" many times. God is teaching and has taught me much about candor with discretion. :)

I have decided, however, to continue to live an authentic, open life. One of the reasons the church is failing and people are looking elsewhere for their hope is that the church has ceased becoming a place where the wounded can be. Somehow we assume that because Christ comes in, we cease to be wounded. Or maybe after a few years of doing all the right things, people should no longer be wounded. I challenge you, you may not think you live this way, but it is a VERY easy trap to fall into.

Are our churches a place where the WOUNDED meet? Are they places where the wounded find sanctuary? Where we all find the rest, the hope that IS CHRIST. The recognition exists that while we live in this world, life is messy.

As a body, we MUST get past the nice clothes, the makeup, the combed hair, and the smiles and we must become authentic believers DIGGING into each others' lives. Helping, aiding.

Our pastor said today, are we people who shoot the weak? who harm the wounded? Are we more content to feed with the ninety and nine than to go after the one? Sometimes, that "one" is among us. But we'd rather stay in our comfortable circle of friends than branch out to the wounded one. That wounded one may be hiding behind a Bible, the correct theology, neatly combed hair.

Being on the receiving end of "harming the wounded," I also want to be sure that I'm not a wounder. We so easily become self-righteous instead of resting  ALL our righteousness in Christ.  I do it, and I'm sure we all do at times.

I pray this is not an offensive post, but a post that makes us ALL think every day. What type of body are we being?

Advancing God's Kingdom

So today I went into worship feeling fairly despairing of myself. I have been very sick this week. And sickness always brings with it depression for me. 

Oh how thankful I am to worship God in a church that is understanding of frail sinful humanness. The sermon was on advancing God's Kingdom, and the text was the Parable of the Ten Minas in Luke 10. The Pastor focused a good amount of the sermon on the servants who received the minas, and the juxtaposition of the 2 who did something with their minas, and the one who did not. The nobleman gave them their minas, and sent them to do their business. He did not tell them what business to engage in, but rather to use their minas in whatever business they did. They engaged in business of their choosing, and they chose to advance the kingdom right where they were in their lives. I LOVED what the pastor pointed out next. God works to sanctify our desires by using the ways he has already hardwired us. There was no censure to the man only producing five versus the man producing 10. Furthermore, they probably went out and did their business completely different from one another.  We come to the servant who hid his mina. The nobleman wasn't upset that he didn't produce even one mina, but that he hid it away because of a false view of the nobleman. Even putting it in the bank to gain interest would have been more desirable. God wants to use our uniqueness right where we ARE to advance His kingdom. The pastor was careful to point out that He doesn't expect the same productiveness out of all His children. Not everyone has the same makeup. That's what makes the body of Christ so unique. Everyone is completely different.

That was very comforting to me. I live with health issues. I often feel VERY useless. I want to be out producing like many other godly believers I see around me. I often find myself comparing myself to others. In fact, yesterday, I was really frustrated with God for making me the way I am.

I was so rebuked this morning. God didn't make me sick and then struggling and then expect me to go out and produce what others who are well produce. But he does expect me to do what I can with what He's given me.

The fear that the servant who hid his mina was based on the view of a severe God. But our God is not severe. His steadfast love endures forever to His children. God is merciful and gracious and longs to help His children right where they are! He didn't make a mistake when He made me (or you!) He is not looking for productivity; He's looking for faithfulness.

Guilty of being an Israelite

The last few months have proved quite challenging for me on several levels. I don't need to go into details, but suffice it to say, I've been really miserable. Part of that was a function of my health and circumstances beyond my control, but part of it was of my own making.

As I started off the new year, I decided I simply MUST get back in the Word. I went back to pick up my Bible reading right where I left off, and would you believe the chapter I was on?? Isaiah 30. You can't appreciate this post till you go read the chapter for yourselves. So, stop a minute and peruse the chapter. When you do, you will see that it was God's mercy to me that this chapter was the chapter I came back to.

In this chapter, the children of God are at it again (oh those wonderful Israelites who are a picture of, well, ME). They are refusing to find their shelter and refuge in God, but instead are going to EGYPT of all places for their shelter. (I could stop and ponder the stupidity of that choice all day). But I had to stop at the first verse and ask myself some really hard questions, and I realize I'm guilty of finding my shelter in Egypt. How often do we RUN to ourselves or to the things that we think will ease our pain to realize we are finding shelter in the very places that cause us the most bondage?

I didn't even get past the first verse before realizing. . . GUILTY. I'm guilty of being an Israelite. But here's what I love. As God began to unfold for me where my misery has been coming from, we got to the good part: how to fix it. I was waiting for some LIST I needed to do. All these things I needed to do to make things right. But instead I get to this verse, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength." "The Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you."

And I realized the answer is actually pretty simple. Return, rest, trust, be quiet, and WAIT. God will be gracious. He will be merciful. He's waiting to be that way! He's anxious to have mercy on us.

"And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher." "The Lord binds up the brokenness of his people, and heals the wounds inflicted by his blow."

All I can say is WOW, and I'm just sitting here this morning marveling in GRACE.

I simply can't trust God AND_________ (you fill in the blank)

Once again, my blog takes me back to my reading of Isaiah. I keep reading these oracles pronounced against various nations, and frankly, I was thinking, ok enough oracles. But I'm thankful that God continues to give me His word in spite of my fickleness.

So I've been reading these oracles against all these nations. Many of them had oppressed God's people or just outrightly defied God at every turn. Their judgment and destruction were swift and sure. But today, I reached the oracle pronounced against Tyre in chapter 23. I was struck all at once. I didn't really "see" the need for their destruction at first. But it is there, between the lines.

Tyre was a beautiful city, one of great prosperity and wealth. They had a history of being an ally to God's people, so I had to ask myself. Why would God bring about their destruction? The secret lies in verse 9. "The Lord of hosts has purposed it, to defile the pompous pride of all glory, to dishonor the honored of the earth."

God was simply showing the world once again the gospel (as He does from the beginning of Genesis to the end of Revelation). What do I mean? He is showing the folly of trusting anyone or anything in addition to or instead of Himself.

I think I've been seeing God in a new light for the past several years. I'm thankful for sanctification. But the trials still remain. Financial, physical, etc. . . Once again, how easy it is to "trust" when the pocketbook is full and the pain is eased. But what about when the pocketbook is empty and the pain is real? If I don't trust as fully then, I'm guilty of idolatry. Maybe I'm trusting my pocketbook. Maybe I'm trusting my health. Maybe I'm trusting in friendships, or people, or. . . (hence the blank in the title). Maybe I think I'm trusting God, but I realize, I'm only satisfied when _____ (a friend calls, a bonus comes in, I'm feeling better).

I cannot trust God and_______ (you fill in the blank). If / when I trust ANYTHING or ANYONE other than God, I'm guilty of idolatry. I'm thankful for the example of Tyre. It's in God's mercy that He's showing us the folly of pride or trust in any other source aside from His grace and salvation. Lord, forgive our idolatry and show us where we place our trust other than you. Thank you for mercy and grace.

Be aware of flawed thinking!!

I really hope this blog post makes sense instead of being just my rambly thoughts. It's funny how often an idea makes perfect sense in my mind till I try to actually put it on paper ;)

I'm becoming really aware of this flawed thinking in my own and other believers' lives. Many of us know the prosperity gospel is wrong. "Have enough faith and you will prosper and be blessed." Yet we still think like that. Don't we? I do. . . I want you to ask yourself, am I guilty of such thinking? Or really more likely, what is my view of that prosperity? Let me try to explain. . .

I'm involved in a home based jewelry business by a nationally known company. Nowhere does this flawed thinking come into play more than I see here. "Believe and you can achieve." So I see when the business is doing well, a lot of gals will say, "GOD did this." They have a 1,000 dollar show and several bookings, boy the praises do fly heavenward. But what about the show that bombs? Or what about the person who is too sick to do shows? I'm not criticizing anything. Shoot, I think like this all the time. I'm GUILTY of this very thinking.

Here I am, for the past eight months, I've been very sick. This summer I had to step away from my business completely. Guess what? GOD DID THAT! In His sovereign ordained purposes for my life, He allowed me to be too sick to carry on my business. His grace and goodness are as much in those circumstances as in the ones that "seem" good to me. We think SO limitedly. I have this idea of prosperity: my business is doing well, my kids are healthy and happy, I'm surrounded by friends, my husband loves me. . .

But lately, I've been lonely. I've been sick. I've had to step away from my business. Funds are tight. Some days, circumstances threaten to rob me of my joy. . .  And yet, God IS prospering me even in those times, even on those days. To the FULLEST MEASURE!

Am I making sense here? Take my sickness. A lot of people are praying for me to feel better, for which I'm truly thankful. So then, how easy is it, on a good day to say "God did this." But on the bad ones, when I'm stuck in bed and can barely do anything except the basics, do I ever catch myself saying, "God did this!" VERY rarely. Yet the scripture says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." So if there is NO variation or shadow of change any day of the week or year, then God doesn't take a day off. His gifts are perfect to me ALL the time. EVERY day, whether I see that day as prosperous from an earthly perspective or not. In sickness, in health. In prosperity, in money problems. In days when the kids are bad, and in days when the kids are good. Because He never changes and is good ALL the time. And His idea of prospering is allowing the things that will make me more like Christ.

So I challenge this flawed (yea, even sinful) thinking in my own life, and pray it will challenge it in yours."The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Reading recommendations

I'm very leery of recommending books. I will tell you why. It's very easy in Christian books for man's opinion to be wrapped up in the guise of Biblical truth. I once had a very wise pastor's wife tell me something. At the beginning of her marriage, she devoured books on godly womanhood. She eventually got rid of them because she realized that much of it was just opinion and put pressure on her to do and be things God really didn't ask of her. I realized early on, I couldn't read what others were reading. My depression was so forefront for me, that the idea of organized closets and hot meals on the table were laughable when all I wanted to do was survive. Or even other ideals of "godly" womanhood.


So that being said, I'm very cautious that the books I recommend represent Biblical truth. Of course, there is no replacement for the scripture because ALL of man's books will have man's opinion. However, there are 2 life-changing books I have read. The first one is called Womanly Dominion: More Than A Gentle and Quiet Spirit by Mark Chansky. The challenge of this book is that every woman is called to dominate and conquer her life in her circumstances. I LOVED this challenge because, frankly, there is no one size fits all with godliness. We are all in different circumstances experiencing our sanctification in different ways. Yet it's so easy to put the ideals of a godly woman into a cookie cutter mold. Often, women think of a meek and quiet spirit as a passive one, but this book also challenges that thinking. We are to be anything but passive in the roles that God has put us in. We are to be actively running the race and conquering.

The second is the book I'm currently reading. Comforts From the Cross: Celebrating the Gospel One Day at a Time by Elyse Fitzpatrick. If you think you are gospel centered, this book will really challenge your thinking about the gospel and how it practically affects our living and our thinking. It takes the emphasis off of man and onto God. And it shows me practically how I am putting the emphasis on man without even realizing it.

So take these recommendations with a grain of salt, but I highly recommend getting them and reading them. Then, share your opinion with me!

Useless tears

I'm studying the book of Isaiah. Let me just tell you some of these chapters are heavy. Several chapters are oracles of destruction and judgment against nations who would not bow to the Lord.

So, today I was reading Isaiah 15. I really like Matthew Henry's commentary. He clarifies so much. Anyway, verse two refers to Moab in their distress. "He has gone up to the temple, and to Dibon, to the high places to weep."

These people were weeping before their false gods. Here's what Matthew Henry says. "It becomes a people in distress to seek to their God; and shall not we then thus walk in the name of the Lord our God, and call upon him in the time of trouble, before whom we shall not shed such useless profitless tears as they did before their gods?"

I couldn't help but be struck by the phrase "useless profitless tears." I've been meditating on it all morning. Partially because I shed a lot of tears just yesterday due to some struggles. And I was struck that most of my tears were useless and profitless. Mainly because they were selfish tears. Pity tears. They accomplished nothing.

And I've been pondering what type of tears would be useful and profitable? Because tears are not bad in and of themselves.

1. Tears of repentance
2. Tears that draw me to the throne of grace
3. Tears over the gospel
4. Tears in prayer to my Heavenly Father

So are my tears useless and profitless or are they useful and profitable? Because, frankly, there will be tears in this life. Matthew states that this life is full of tribulation. If my tears are a part of looking to God for my help and stay, then they profit me. If they are part of looking inward, then they are useless and profitless.

Strange little thing to meditate on, but really thought provoking for me today.

Mental illness is no laughing matter

I write this post with a grieving heart. However, I must use my voice to speak out against injustice and inaccurate teaching.

Last night, a "buzz" started on facebook about a sermon preached near me. I decided to listen to this sermon this morning. I ended up in tears. Why? Because this preacher made fun of mental illness with inappropriate jokes and inaccurate Bible metaphors. Let me explain.

Mental illness is NOT a sin. Can it cause sin issues? Yes. Is it a sin itself? No. I listened as this man made fun of ADD, people who cut themselves, and people who choose medication. I heard as the undertones of this message compared the demon possessed man in the scripture to mentally ill people. I heard as it was implied that these people need to take care of their sin problem.

WHOA! Stop right there. I guarantee in that audience was someone who suffers. Probably, after that message, in silence. And we wonder why people walk away from God. We wonder why no one opens up about such issues in churches. Because if this is the God that is preached, who wants Him? Thankfully, this is NOT my God. My God saves. My God gives grace to people who suffer from ANY ailment, physical or mental.

In that audience were people who care. People who care about God. People who care about their sin. People who want to do right. And yet their mind suffers. I was / am one of them! I almost walked away from God and life because of such teaching!

And let me tell you, to even imply that the sin is the source of the problem is a HUGE HUGE mistake. I'm not saying (again) sin issues may not be involved. But we must be OH SO VERY careful how we address such tender and serious subjects. Not with distasteful jokes. Not with misunderstanding. But with kid gloves. And the man of God who preaches from the pulpit must be especially careful with his words!

I will NEVER stop fighting for you, Denise

Yesterday was one of the rough ones. . .

Then last night, in the arms of my beloved, I heard words I will cling to for a while, "I will never stop fighting for you, Denise."

I want to write them on my forehead. Place them on my mirrors. Rehearse them daily when the fight just seems too hard. Because yesterday, I didn't want to fight. I was tired of fighting. And I figure this: if my imperfect husband feels like that toward me. . . how much more does my Heavenly Father feel that way toward me.

He will NEVER stop fighting. Humans will stop fighting for me. Man will give up on me. Friends will get frustrated with me.

But not my FATHER. He will NEVER stop fighting for me. And so for Him, I pray for the grace to fight a little more. To become a little more sanctified. And to pray that He will use my struggles for something beautiful!

"Considerably rumpled in spirit. . . "

I like Anne. . . she reminds me of someone. . .

Been a little introspective today, and I couldn't help but think of Anne Shirley and her famous quote.

I've been "considerably rumpled in spirit lately" and a bit out of sorts. Granted, I've pretty much felt like I've had the flu since, oh, January. . .

This morning, I woke up, once again, sick as all getout. And I got frustrated. And mad. And grumpy. (seems like a tendency lately). Thankfully, I have the Lord and his wonderful still small voice. Aren't you thankful for that wonderful, still small voice? I was challenged by that voice to ask myself WHY I'm rumpled in spirit.

God has given me health challenges. I have the decision on how I react. Lately, not so good. I couldn't help but think. . . If you and I ate junk food all the time, what would happen to us? We wouldn't be terribly healthy would we? Yet, in this world, it's TERRIBLY easy to consist on junk food. Think about it, between iphones, laptops, internet and tv, we have a constant diet of junk food. (metaphorically speaking of course)

I know when I'm not feeling well, it's much easier to hit the "on" button on my TV than to open my Bible or listen to a sermon. Then I probably shouldn't be surprised when I become "rumpled in spirit."

I can't consist on junk food and be healthy. So today, I'm challenging myself to a new diet. (if any of my friends reads this, you are more than welcome to check on me!)

Depression is NOT a sign of weakness - my church service this morning

This morning, our visiting speaker preached on Psalm 88. It's an interesting Psalm for a sermon. It's a Psalm of Lament. Unlike most Psalms of Lament, there is no turning toward heaven at the end of the Psalm. Instead, the Psalm ends in a dark place.

I have days like that. Shoot, I've had weeks like that. So I was intrigued by this message from the beginning.

The speaker said a sentence that I'm not sure I will EVER forget. He basically said that depression is NOT a sign of weakness. See, I have known for a long time that depression itself is not a sin. But I'm not sure I will ever feel as strong as other Christians. I often look at myself as the "weak one."  I still often think that if I were a good, strong Christian, I wouldn't have this struggle. What a balm again to remember that is NOT the case.

A few very rambling notes from the message this morning:

• If there is any hope for us, it must be in the God who saves. 
• Our standing before God has NOTHING to do with how we're feeling (is not based on how we feel). 
• We can take our despair and depression before God. 
• We can appeal to the mercy of the Lord. Without His intervention, we have no hope. 
• The psalmist persevered in his prayers. The reason we have this Psalm is because the Psalmist never quit praying, even in his despair. 
• While in our depression, we may question where God is.  He is ALWAYS with His people. In His covenant love, He promises to never leave or forsake his children. 
• Coming to Christ, we are ALWAYS received, always welcomed, always loved.  

A few years ago, I was ready to walk away from God because I could not be strong enough. I'm so thankful for my journey to the place where I realize, His strength is enough. 

He is not finished with me

So friends, I pray this blog series has helped you in some small way. If you read this, and think, I know that girl, what a hypocrite. I’ll be the first to admit to you: I AM! The biggest one of all. Yet all sinners are hypocrites in some form. We sin. We know the truth and sin anyway.

That’s why there’s grace. We begin and end with the gospel. Jesus saves. On my good days, He saves. On my bad days, He saves.

Romans 7 states that in me “dwells NOTHING good.”

24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

And frankly, whether you’re healthy or whether your health is failing, we’re ALL living in bodies of death. We need hope. Jesus Christ’s work on the cross is the only deliverance.

Spiritual or physical?  (beware, rambly post)

*Disclaimer: None of the things I suggest here should be taken lightly. ALL changes should be carefully examined and controlled by a doctor. And when possible, find a good Biblical counselor who does not blame you for your depression, but find one that will help you deal with it. 

I have discussed depression and its spiritual aspects.

Only you can decide whether your depression is physically or spiritually based. It takes great wisdom to know the difference. And sometimes the physical and spiritual are SO intertwined, it’s difficult to know. Therefore, it’s good to attack your depression from all sides.  Physical problems can cause depression. Depression can cause physical problems. So, this question can be a tough one.

And don’t let anyone else tell you what it is or isn’t. HOWEVER, don’t be quick to judge either.  I have personally had someone look at me and tell me the depression was ALL MY FAULT. Those words haunt me to this day. But I know myself best.  The person who said that to me doesn’t know me at all.  Nor did that person really try.

I feel the reason depression is mistreated in Christian circles is that, frankly, it’s become the catch all diagnosis for all sorts of bad behaviors. Bitterness, worry, and a host of other sinful choices can all lead to depression.  (take a pill, dull it down but continue to live as I want). Not that I’m against medication at ALL. You should carefully discuss options with your doctor. I have two cautions for you to consider. First, medication can easily become the answer instead of Christ. Also, medication can keep you from knowing the REAL physical issue.  It’s like putting a bandaid over an oozing wound that is really infected. You need to find the source of the infection and get rid of it. Don't take that to mean medicine is evil. Just go into it aware of these issues. Medicine can be life saving. I personally can't take it due to side effects. Find a trustworthy doctor.

So the big question is: is depression the source or the result?

When the entire world was telling me depression was the result of my choices, I KNEW it was the cause. Maybe this fact doesn’t make sense to you. And I am in no way excusing my sin, but I KNEW something was very physically wrong with me. I had to retrain myself in new ways of dealing with it, but the depression IS REAL and very physical.

IT can be very difficult to sort through these issues as well. Frankly, it’s hard to be spiritually right when you feel SO awful. So feeling better can often lead to spiritual strides.

However, feeling awful doesn’t excuse sin. See? No wonder I (and maybe you) get tempted to give up. But we are compelled to obey and not sin no matter how we’re feeling. So we work on these things side by side.

 

So let’s talk physical well being. Your body is a temple and we should do the best we can to care for it. (I don’t always. Maybe this preaching at myself will help).

1. Get a physical. Rule out thyroid issues, hormones issues or a host of other issues that can cause depression. Sometimes, the answer is simple.

2. Exercise. 

3. Diet. OH how we hate to change our diet. Do you know sugar can cause depression? Gluten allergies? Other food allergies. . . there are steps you can take to eliminate foods and figure out what causes you issues.  I can’t believe how many people suffer but refuse to change the way they eat. Get rid of processed foods, add fruits and vegetables and get rid of sugar. It’s not the end of the world, but it might be the end of your struggles. Resources exist to help. But it takes some sacrifice and work.

4. Supplements. Do you know low vitamin d can cause depression? As can other things. Get checked out by a doctor and make sure you’re not vitamin deficient.

I hope some of these tips help you. If I call my counselor on a bad day, he will ask. How are you eating?  How are you sleeping? Have you exercised?

Good questions to ask yourself or someone else who’s struggling.  And I’m telling you, if you’re struggling, the answer isn’t easy. You have to tell yourself, I will FIGHT and work and do what it takes! No one can help you if you give up! 

A little aside: you may not find the cause of your physical problems. There are times I’m doing everything I know to do, and I still become VERY depressed. These are the times when I’m reminded. God doesn’t always promise to take our thorn in the flesh away. But He does promise grace to get through it.

If someone doesn’t believe in you, find someone who will! God does and I do!

Grace and peace!

The ordinary means of grace

Question 88 of the Westminster Shorter Catechism asks, “What are the outward means whereby Christ communicateth to us the benefits of redemption?”

Answer:
The outward and ordinary means whereby Christ communicateth to us the benefits of redemption are his ordinances, especially the Word, sacraments and prayer; all of which are made effectual to the elect for salvation.

Maybe you’re saying, huh, what does that mean?  One of the great benefits of redemption is grace. And God gives us channels of grace. The importance of the Word, the sacraments (baptism and the Lord’s supper, and prayer cannot be overstated. He has given to us the means of grace. We are compelled by scripture to be committed to the ordinary means of grace.

Make sure you are a part of a Bible believing and preaching church.

Regularly participate in the Lord’s supper.

Read the Word and pray.

They really aren’t difficult, but oh, they will change your life!

One of the questions my counselor asks me when in a difficult time, “Are you using the means of grace?” 

Darkness and Light

Depression is a battle. I might be home an entire day, not accomplishing much and feel like I’ve run a marathon when I go to bed. Why is that? Because depression is a BATTLE.

And whether we like it or not, we MUST fight. Some days, our fight may be ONE step of obedience (see previous blog post), BUT we must fight.

I just went through some difficult days this winter, and I didn’t fight. I should have. I’m thankful God forgives.

So how do we fight a battle? We put on armor. Where do we find the armor of God? It's described for us in Ephesians 6. Let’s break down the armor of God.

1. Belt of truth. Truth is your friend in your fight. Truth will break walls and set you free. Where is truth found? In scripture! (I bet as we break down the armor of God, you’re going to start seeing a pattern).  Tell yourself truth. Write it down. Write as many truths down. It’s better than curling in a ball and crying. (and I’ve spent a lot of time doing just that)
2.  Breastplate of righteousness.  Where does your righteousness come from? Is it something you do? Hardly! It comes from Christ. His work on the cross is the basis for our righteousness. He took ALL the yuckiness of our sin on Him, and when He saves us, He places ALL his righteousness on us. AMAZING GRACE. If you know Christ, beloved, he will never look on you as anything but righteous. And this truth will get you through some very difficult days. 
3.  Gospel of peace.  Oh peace can be elusive to the one who suffers from depression. But where is peace found? In the gospel! (seeing that pattern yet?) The gospel is our only hope. What is the gospel? Christ died for my sins on the cross. I am dead in my trespasses and sins. When I place my faith in Christ (which is a gift in itself), He places his righteousness on me and takes my sins and nails them on that cross. When He (God the Father) looks at me, HE SEES CHRIST! WOW. Even when I'm depressed, He looks at me and sees CHRIST.
4.  Shield of faith. Our faith in Christ is the light that will get us through darkness. We have hope!
5. Helmet of salvation (ok, I really think we’ve covered this salvation thing). Do you think God is getting across to us that our ARMOR is our SALVATION?? His covenant promises apply to us in WHOLE when we know Christ. We are preserved, saved, sanctified, helped, protected, loved (and I could go on and on).
6. Sword of the spirit. We must KNOW truth and tell ourselves truth if we’re going to make it through this life. But we won’t know truth if we don’t get in the WORD. It’s our sword to pierce through darkness.   

But you know, I always thought of the armor of God as some difficult thing to “put on”. Heavy. But writing this blog post, I see it’s very simple. It’s the saving grace of Jesus Christ. It's my focus on THAT truth. All the time. 

So friend, put on the Armor of God. You may not FEEL any different, but you will be sanctified through the grace and salvation of Jesus.