Goodness and Godliness Are Not Synonyms

As a person who struggles with depression, I have NO problem accepting the total depravity of man when it comes to myself. In fact some days, I feel like all I see is my depravity. By the time I'm finished with this blog post, you will see my depravity too.

I think most Christians have no trouble accepting their own depravity either. I mean to truly accept the gospel is to begin with the realization that I am corrupt to the core and and can do nothing to change myself. 

However, when it comes to other people, we are quick to sing man's praises. We know we shouldn't sing our own, but we are quick to sing others'. 

Nowhere do I see this more than in social media. I mean absolutely no disrespect in what I'm about to say, but I see this especially when a beloved Christian is either going through trial or reaches the end of his / her life. People talk about what a good person he / she is.

Every time this happens, it sends me into a tail spin. (yep, depravity speaking here). I want to be a good person. I'm not. Why can't I be a better person? Why do I have to struggle so? Why can't other people look at me and see goodness too?

I was walking through my house today struggling with these thoughts, and a still small voice (well it didn't really feel still and small, it felt more like a booming voice) said to me, "Goodness is NOT godliness." 

I have been struck all day by this simple fact. Of course God is good. Of course He molds and sanctifies us into godliness. But I can never be "more good." And when I measure my life against someone else's or even sing man's praises, I'm forgetting the fact that neither can anyone else. 

ALL goodness (*true goodness) comes from the ONE who was good in my place. In your place. In any Christian's place. From a human perspective, there can be a good man who is not godly. Goodness can be manufactured. But godliness cannot. And godliness doesn't come about through some magic choice. It comes about through a realization and a dependence on the one who was GOOD for me. It comes about through obedience to the one who was GOOD for me. Not because of anything I do, but because of what He's done. And therefore, I have as much Godliness as anyone else. No, I may not be in the same place in my walk as they are. However, I have the same salvation, the same God, the same goodness as every elect brother who has trusted in His finished work on the cross. This thought has been tremendously comforting to me today. And in this Holy week and every week, our thoughts should focus on the cross and on the One who was good in my place because I have no goodness of my own. And my actions should also reflect a focus on the One who was good in every other Christian's place because no one has any goodness of his or her own. And I can be truly thankful when God's goodness is reflected in my life and in other believers' lives. Praise HIS goodness!

I don't know

Get ready for soul baring rawness. If you're a hider, leave now. There's no hiding in this blog post.

Normally I wait to write a blog post. I wait till I'm on the other side of the valley. There's a lot of clarity afterwards, know what I mean? I usually stay away during the dark times because there is no clarity in darkness.

Well this blog post is being written firmly in the valley. Right here where I am. Last week was hard. It wasn't one terrible thing. Rather it was a bunch of things. One after the other, and it seemed there wasn't an area of my life untouched.

My wonderful auto immune body couldn't take all the stress, and I landed in bed sick. And as often happens, with the sickness started a darkness. A relentless, mind controlling, suffocating darkness. Sounds dramatic? It is. Life becomes a battle.

Many times, I can just survive to get through to the other side when it decides to let go. But this time, it's being stubborn. And the only thing I keep thinking is, "I don't know. . . " I just don't know.

Some of you will read this and think what on earth is she talking about. . . but others will read it, and you will get it. Because you have gone through days where all you can think is "I don't know. . . "

Then a friend sent me the words to a song last night. The song has rocked my world, you could say. One specific part of the song, to be exact. The song is by Tenth Avenue North Entitled You Are More.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life  
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight 
She knows all the answers 
And she's rehearsed all the lines  
And so she'll try to do better 
But then she's too weak to try  
But don't you know who you are?

I don't know. . . 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

I don't know

I'VE BEEN REMADE.

Doesn't matter if I feel remade. I AM remade. I'm in this valley, and I don't know. Which way is up. When  the valley will leave me. What I need to do. Where my faith is. Where He is. Why He is allowing this time.

And sometimes I just don't know. But HE has remade me. He has redeemed me.

I feel raw, broken, wounded, weary. . . He was raw, broken, wounded and weary for me. So in my raw, broken, wounded and weary times, I can trust the work that was done when HE became raw, broken, wounded and weary for ME. Why did Christ, Son of the LIVING GOD do this? In order to remake me. And I AM remade whether I feel like it or not.

So in the times I just don't know. I know that HE knows. And let me tell you, that is infinite knowledge!

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
  But what's been done for you.  
This is not about where you've been,  
But where your brokenness brings you to 
This is not about what you feel,  
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

So when I just don't know, I must turn to the ONE who does. And even when my faith is too weak to turn, He still knows, He still pursues, He still redeems. PRAISE my loving FATHER.  

How are believers handling their wounded?

I've always believed in living my life with complete candor. When you take me, you get me. You get me with strengths and weaknesses. You get me with success and failures. You get me on the good days and the bad. Unfortunately, my candor has "come back to bite me" many times. God is teaching and has taught me much about candor with discretion. :)

I have decided, however, to continue to live an authentic, open life. One of the reasons the church is failing and people are looking elsewhere for their hope is that the church has ceased becoming a place where the wounded can be. Somehow we assume that because Christ comes in, we cease to be wounded. Or maybe after a few years of doing all the right things, people should no longer be wounded. I challenge you, you may not think you live this way, but it is a VERY easy trap to fall into.

Are our churches a place where the WOUNDED meet? Are they places where the wounded find sanctuary? Where we all find the rest, the hope that IS CHRIST. The recognition exists that while we live in this world, life is messy.

As a body, we MUST get past the nice clothes, the makeup, the combed hair, and the smiles and we must become authentic believers DIGGING into each others' lives. Helping, aiding.

Our pastor said today, are we people who shoot the weak? who harm the wounded? Are we more content to feed with the ninety and nine than to go after the one? Sometimes, that "one" is among us. But we'd rather stay in our comfortable circle of friends than branch out to the wounded one. That wounded one may be hiding behind a Bible, the correct theology, neatly combed hair.

Being on the receiving end of "harming the wounded," I also want to be sure that I'm not a wounder. We so easily become self-righteous instead of resting  ALL our righteousness in Christ.  I do it, and I'm sure we all do at times.

I pray this is not an offensive post, but a post that makes us ALL think every day. What type of body are we being?

Advancing God's Kingdom

So today I went into worship feeling fairly despairing of myself. I have been very sick this week. And sickness always brings with it depression for me. 

Oh how thankful I am to worship God in a church that is understanding of frail sinful humanness. The sermon was on advancing God's Kingdom, and the text was the Parable of the Ten Minas in Luke 10. The Pastor focused a good amount of the sermon on the servants who received the minas, and the juxtaposition of the 2 who did something with their minas, and the one who did not. The nobleman gave them their minas, and sent them to do their business. He did not tell them what business to engage in, but rather to use their minas in whatever business they did. They engaged in business of their choosing, and they chose to advance the kingdom right where they were in their lives. I LOVED what the pastor pointed out next. God works to sanctify our desires by using the ways he has already hardwired us. There was no censure to the man only producing five versus the man producing 10. Furthermore, they probably went out and did their business completely different from one another.  We come to the servant who hid his mina. The nobleman wasn't upset that he didn't produce even one mina, but that he hid it away because of a false view of the nobleman. Even putting it in the bank to gain interest would have been more desirable. God wants to use our uniqueness right where we ARE to advance His kingdom. The pastor was careful to point out that He doesn't expect the same productiveness out of all His children. Not everyone has the same makeup. That's what makes the body of Christ so unique. Everyone is completely different.

That was very comforting to me. I live with health issues. I often feel VERY useless. I want to be out producing like many other godly believers I see around me. I often find myself comparing myself to others. In fact, yesterday, I was really frustrated with God for making me the way I am.

I was so rebuked this morning. God didn't make me sick and then struggling and then expect me to go out and produce what others who are well produce. But he does expect me to do what I can with what He's given me.

The fear that the servant who hid his mina was based on the view of a severe God. But our God is not severe. His steadfast love endures forever to His children. God is merciful and gracious and longs to help His children right where they are! He didn't make a mistake when He made me (or you!) He is not looking for productivity; He's looking for faithfulness.

Guilty of being an Israelite

The last few months have proved quite challenging for me on several levels. I don't need to go into details, but suffice it to say, I've been really miserable. Part of that was a function of my health and circumstances beyond my control, but part of it was of my own making.

As I started off the new year, I decided I simply MUST get back in the Word. I went back to pick up my Bible reading right where I left off, and would you believe the chapter I was on?? Isaiah 30. You can't appreciate this post till you go read the chapter for yourselves. So, stop a minute and peruse the chapter. When you do, you will see that it was God's mercy to me that this chapter was the chapter I came back to.

In this chapter, the children of God are at it again (oh those wonderful Israelites who are a picture of, well, ME). They are refusing to find their shelter and refuge in God, but instead are going to EGYPT of all places for their shelter. (I could stop and ponder the stupidity of that choice all day). But I had to stop at the first verse and ask myself some really hard questions, and I realize I'm guilty of finding my shelter in Egypt. How often do we RUN to ourselves or to the things that we think will ease our pain to realize we are finding shelter in the very places that cause us the most bondage?

I didn't even get past the first verse before realizing. . . GUILTY. I'm guilty of being an Israelite. But here's what I love. As God began to unfold for me where my misery has been coming from, we got to the good part: how to fix it. I was waiting for some LIST I needed to do. All these things I needed to do to make things right. But instead I get to this verse, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength." "The Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you."

And I realized the answer is actually pretty simple. Return, rest, trust, be quiet, and WAIT. God will be gracious. He will be merciful. He's waiting to be that way! He's anxious to have mercy on us.

"And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher." "The Lord binds up the brokenness of his people, and heals the wounds inflicted by his blow."

All I can say is WOW, and I'm just sitting here this morning marveling in GRACE.