Goodness and Godliness Are Not Synonyms

As a person who struggles with depression, I have NO problem accepting the total depravity of man when it comes to myself. In fact some days, I feel like all I see is my depravity. By the time I'm finished with this blog post, you will see my depravity too.

I think most Christians have no trouble accepting their own depravity either. I mean to truly accept the gospel is to begin with the realization that I am corrupt to the core and and can do nothing to change myself. 

However, when it comes to other people, we are quick to sing man's praises. We know we shouldn't sing our own, but we are quick to sing others'. 

Nowhere do I see this more than in social media. I mean absolutely no disrespect in what I'm about to say, but I see this especially when a beloved Christian is either going through trial or reaches the end of his / her life. People talk about what a good person he / she is.

Every time this happens, it sends me into a tail spin. (yep, depravity speaking here). I want to be a good person. I'm not. Why can't I be a better person? Why do I have to struggle so? Why can't other people look at me and see goodness too?

I was walking through my house today struggling with these thoughts, and a still small voice (well it didn't really feel still and small, it felt more like a booming voice) said to me, "Goodness is NOT godliness." 

I have been struck all day by this simple fact. Of course God is good. Of course He molds and sanctifies us into godliness. But I can never be "more good." And when I measure my life against someone else's or even sing man's praises, I'm forgetting the fact that neither can anyone else. 

ALL goodness (*true goodness) comes from the ONE who was good in my place. In your place. In any Christian's place. From a human perspective, there can be a good man who is not godly. Goodness can be manufactured. But godliness cannot. And godliness doesn't come about through some magic choice. It comes about through a realization and a dependence on the one who was GOOD for me. It comes about through obedience to the one who was GOOD for me. Not because of anything I do, but because of what He's done. And therefore, I have as much Godliness as anyone else. No, I may not be in the same place in my walk as they are. However, I have the same salvation, the same God, the same goodness as every elect brother who has trusted in His finished work on the cross. This thought has been tremendously comforting to me today. And in this Holy week and every week, our thoughts should focus on the cross and on the One who was good in my place because I have no goodness of my own. And my actions should also reflect a focus on the One who was good in every other Christian's place because no one has any goodness of his or her own. And I can be truly thankful when God's goodness is reflected in my life and in other believers' lives. Praise HIS goodness!

I don't know

Get ready for soul baring rawness. If you're a hider, leave now. There's no hiding in this blog post.

Normally I wait to write a blog post. I wait till I'm on the other side of the valley. There's a lot of clarity afterwards, know what I mean? I usually stay away during the dark times because there is no clarity in darkness.

Well this blog post is being written firmly in the valley. Right here where I am. Last week was hard. It wasn't one terrible thing. Rather it was a bunch of things. One after the other, and it seemed there wasn't an area of my life untouched.

My wonderful auto immune body couldn't take all the stress, and I landed in bed sick. And as often happens, with the sickness started a darkness. A relentless, mind controlling, suffocating darkness. Sounds dramatic? It is. Life becomes a battle.

Many times, I can just survive to get through to the other side when it decides to let go. But this time, it's being stubborn. And the only thing I keep thinking is, "I don't know. . . " I just don't know.

Some of you will read this and think what on earth is she talking about. . . but others will read it, and you will get it. Because you have gone through days where all you can think is "I don't know. . . "

Then a friend sent me the words to a song last night. The song has rocked my world, you could say. One specific part of the song, to be exact. The song is by Tenth Avenue North Entitled You Are More.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life  
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight 
She knows all the answers 
And she's rehearsed all the lines  
And so she'll try to do better 
But then she's too weak to try  
But don't you know who you are?

I don't know. . . 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

I don't know

I'VE BEEN REMADE.

Doesn't matter if I feel remade. I AM remade. I'm in this valley, and I don't know. Which way is up. When  the valley will leave me. What I need to do. Where my faith is. Where He is. Why He is allowing this time.

And sometimes I just don't know. But HE has remade me. He has redeemed me.

I feel raw, broken, wounded, weary. . . He was raw, broken, wounded and weary for me. So in my raw, broken, wounded and weary times, I can trust the work that was done when HE became raw, broken, wounded and weary for ME. Why did Christ, Son of the LIVING GOD do this? In order to remake me. And I AM remade whether I feel like it or not.

So in the times I just don't know. I know that HE knows. And let me tell you, that is infinite knowledge!

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
  But what's been done for you.  
This is not about where you've been,  
But where your brokenness brings you to 
This is not about what you feel,  
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

So when I just don't know, I must turn to the ONE who does. And even when my faith is too weak to turn, He still knows, He still pursues, He still redeems. PRAISE my loving FATHER.